nor·mal (adjective) ; conforming to a standard; usual, typical, or expected.
What is normal? I mean truly, what is normal? I guess normal is just that, normal. How can I possibly describe that right? I guess my point with this is there is no such thing as normal. Things are constantly changing, so nothing can ever be normal, because nothing is the same, nothing is usual, no matter how much we think it is, it isn’t. I mean yeah, I mean sometimes I feel like things are normal, but if I even think about it for a moment I know they’re not. I used to be pretty sure I had a decently normal life, at least it was normal for me, nothing seemed overly challenging, I could relax a bit I guess. Normal is easy, at least it’s easier than accepting that something is different.
When we’re in school, especially high school, there’s a chain, either you’re popular or you’re not right? You’re either one of the cool kids, and life is easy, you don’t have to worry about people picking on you or not being noticed, and that’s ok, because to you that’s normal. But you might also be one of those kids that’s picked on all the time or doesn’t get noticed and trying to avoid being noticed is your normal. Sadly this normal becomes comforting, we get so used to something that we trick ourselves into believing that it’s comfortable, like breaking in a new pair of shoes, the first few days when those new heels or boots are rubbing your feet raw it’s like a living hell, but then it doesn’t bother you anymore, it’s normal, it’s no big deal.
To me normal was coming home to a bouncy, spinning dachshund so full of energy she absolutely could not contain herself for even one more moment because if she had to she might die right then and there. My normal was being able to go running and hiking with my best friend at my heels. My normal was running with my partner through an agility course, relying completely on each other for everything. My normal was ignorance. I was so engulfed in this bliss, this easy life, this normality that I forgot to truly enjoy it. That’s what happens, although you’re happy you don’t stop to truly be happy. Things just are. There is nothing significant because it’s all normal.
That’s why normal is comforting, because you don’t think about it. To you it seems normal so it’s never a big deal, you’re comfortable with that too, that fact that things just are. What you don’t realize is things are slipping right out from under you, that normal that you’re so comforted by isn’t sticking around so get used to it. I’ve come to realize that normal is constant change, that’s the only thing that can be expected, change. Change isn’t easy to accept, I know that as much as anyone else, change, to be quite frank, sucks. It’s scary, especially when we aren’t absolutely sure of the outcome. It can make you a completely different person, scratch that, it will make you a different person, because you too are changing.
I read a blog recently that read as follows ;
“Your life will change, she says.
I didn’t ask it to, I say.
No one ever does. Your life will change. Indeed, it is changing already.”
This is what sparked this post, change and normality. No matter if you want it or not, it is. No one ever asks for change, nobody wants their life to truly change, even in the worst of times, change is terrifying. But that’s ok, sometimes the scary things are the ones that truly make you become the amazing person you need and want to be so badly. Chloe needing a wheelchair still terrifies me, because it’s change, it’s not normal, and I don’t like change. Even if I did like change I wouldn’t like this change, but it doesn’t matter, it already is. I just need to accept that and go with it, I need to adapt to this new normal, and when it changes again I need to once more adapt.
It’s truly continuous, this adaptation that is. Normal is change, and change is normal. So why do we fear what we love so much, what is so absolutely comforting? I don’t know. But what I do know is that it’s ok, change is ok, even if it hurts or it’s scary, it ok, because that’s just how things are.