Love

What exactly comes to mind when you hear that word? Love. What is it? The dictionary describes love as “an intense feeling of deep affection”. Not sure exactly how I feel about this definition but ya know, it is what it is. Love is many things, but one thing it is definitely not is a definition. Love CAN NOT be described in a few, simple words. It’s absolutely impossible. It can be so many absolutely different things, so I think I’m gonna sit down and really think about things, really put it down so I can look at it again and again so I can really grasp it.

Let me start with friendship, that is love isn’t it? I mean you love your friends, they’re your security blanket, people you can trust. I know I love my friends, where and who would I be without them? I honestly have no idea if I would even still be around. I guess that could be described as affection, but I don’t know that I would say it’s an intense feeling of deep affection. I care about my friends, I really do, and they know I would do just about anything for them. That’s love for friends isn’t it? Therefore that’s love.

My dogs, I absolutely love them, like to the end of the galaxy and back, and then even further. These dogs are my babies, they’re my everything. We rely on each other for everything, they push me to be a better person day in and day out. They are my reason for pushing on, for tackling all the challenges that are thrown my way, my reason for not giving up. Anyone who knows me in the least bit knows how absolutely much I love my dogs, that I would be nothing without them. It’s tough to ever think of change in my world with them, I like things to stay steady, to stay the same, but that’s not possible, and when things change I know that because I love them and they love me that it’ll all be just fine.

Unconditional love. Isn’t that what we look for in relationships, right? I know what it’s like to be in love with someone. It’s scary, and crazy and terrifying, yet so absolutely wonderful at the same exact time. But is it truly unconditional? I mean it’s selfish, but that’s just it, it’s worth it. All of it is absolutely worth it, the fear of heartbreak, the fear of losing something you care so incredibly much about, it’s all worth it. It’s passion, it’s happiness, it’s just so much more than I can put into words. I’m not telling any of you that you shouldn’t go out there and look for love, or you should question it if you’ve found it, but when you need to make sure you’re not being blind about it, because when you are it sucks.

To be in love with someone is one of the most amazing thing ever, and everyone deserves it. Even the people who seem absolutely cold, or those people we just absolutely can not stand, they deserve love. But most of us are going to go through a lot of heartbreak along the road to finding it and each and every one of us is going to at one point say it isn’t worth it. I’ve said it countless times, but I know that when it all boils down to it at the end of the day I would like it just as much as anyone else would. I feel like I’m sitting here rambling on about something that just constantly gives me a headache, I hate dating and I hate having to worry about being alone, it sucks.

But that’s where the problem lies, all this love? None of it will ever exist if you don’t love yourself. How can any of us learn to love if we can’t even learn to love ourselves? All this fear, this anxiety, this hate, it’s because we haven’t come to terms with ourselves yet. I wish this wasn’t it, but it is exactly this. I know most of you are sitting there thinking “not this crap again” but yeah, it’s this again because it’s true. How many times do you look in the mirror and block your own thoughts because all you do is bully yourself. Well guess what we’ve all been there, me included. It sucks but we do it, but as soon as we learn to stop bullying ourselves we’ll learn to love. We can’t blame ourselves, we’re not just dreamers sweethearts, we’re lovers.

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